Oct 25, 2007

All I really need is my brain.

I was mildly picked on in middle school. Nothing too serious or scarring- just the normal "hey, you look like a boy" you might expect a late bloomer with an unfortunate haircut to receive in 6th grade.

The teasing didn't bother me as much as the sheer lack of attention from ANY of my classmates- I was invisible and I hated it.

I had one place of solice in those times where I was alone and no one was interested in talking to me. It was my stories. They were in my head and mostly resulted in me talking to myself (which didn't help my social scene). I loved where my mind went and I spent hours fine tuning the worlds that existed in my head.

Somewhere along the line I got to the point where I needed a bra (a HUGE step for me in my adolescence), and seemed to gain enough confidence to actually hang out with a group of people. And I talked to myself less, at least in public. The stories never went away.

Here we are, 2007 and for the second time, I've signed up for NaNoWriMo. Whats that, you ask? November is National Novel Writing Month and within a few minutes of registration0 you can sign yourself up to the challenge of churning out 50,000 words in 30 days.

Matt was a finisher last year, and I am so proud. I signed up and came in around oh, say 400 words. But I'd just had a baby and it was Wyatts first year of school, yada, yada, yada.

No excuses this year.

I continue to be that weird kid on the outskirts in many ways. I'm still terrifed of being ignored. Some things never change. And now I have the added disfunction of being a materialistic glutton.

I had a sort of social break down a few weeks ago- no a big deal- I just sort of threw a fit and gt depressed because no one liked me...that old chestnut. And around the same time started a stuff binge that involved hours and hours of selling my stuff in order to get new and better stuff and resulting in losing more money in shipping costs at the close of it all.

Then I saw a light...new inspiration on my journey to free myself from this sort of garbage.

I still have my stories. And I'm signed up for this thing...I've GOT to do this. I've got the material in my head....it's time to stop thinking about better cotton tights for the girls, or, new bathroom rugs, and start conceptualizing my novel. Time to forget about whether or not my friends just tolerate me and start using my creativity for once.

Why do I need all this stuff when I've got these ideas that have fascinated me forever? Is that not a gift?

All I really need is my brain. (and love, and God....yeah, yeah, yeah....I know)

And I have to say...what ever happened to that AWESOME tapestry vest I was wearing? Now theres a look that hasn't come back around.

Oct 15, 2007


I have a lot of rocks. I was picking up around the house last night and I must have found two dozen. Some are very small, others are about the size of a baseball. Some are really beautiful, others are rather plain. No matter how big, small, pretty, or ugly they are; I love them. They are my rocks. Picked up off the ground by my children and given specifically to me. They were thinking of me when they saw them, that makes me smile.
Last night I was awake much later than everyone else. I was able to really get some thinking done. We are heading into the leanest month of the year. November is historically very tight financially. Our home taxes are due, we have to fill the propane tank for the coming cold, Christmas shopping begins, the cars need service for the approaching winter. So naturally--no, not naturally...I guess it's a learned behavior--I begin freaking out. How are we going to do it? How are we going to afford gifts? Can we skimp on the propane? Do we really need new brakes?
When I begin to spin out of control like this, it usually leads to depression, but not this time. As I was cleaning...when I saw my rocks, it hit me again. Everything will be okay. My wife and children love me.
Children are a great reminder that we don't need things to make us happy. The smallest things mean so much to them. They give me the best gifts because they give me a piece of themselves with every rock. I love that my kids have no idea how much a house costs, how much food costs, or how much Daddy makes. It doesn't really matter to them.
So standing at the beginning of a desert journey, I realize that I have everything I need. I have my family. I have my rocks.

Oct 7, 2007

Weekend Weary

The title says it all. We are weekend weary. It seems like every weekend has become a chore. What happened? I remember when weekends were fun and exciting, but right now they seem like too much effort for too little reward.
Don't get me wrong, the weekends aren't all bad...for instance, this Saturday, we spent the day at a local kids expo that was full of crafts, music, and games. Everything was free and it really was a lot of fun. I (Matt) was able to spend a little one-on-one Daddy time with each kids, which was nice for a change. But, Sunday...Sunday was rough. It seems like our kids are never happy unless we are 100% engaged. Obviously this means that someone is always crying, screaming, or complaining. What is going on? We love being parents, but this is insane!
I guess the point of this post is to ask for suggestions. What do other families do on weekends? Is there a way that someone has found to squeeze a little house-work in with fun engaging activity? What does everyone's weekend schedule look like? Seriously, we are open to hear all suggestions. We are feeling a bit lost in this. Thanks in advance.

Oct 1, 2007

I just wanna change the world

Is that so wrong?
OK- I'm not much of a "self starter". I am unmotivated, unreliable, easily bored, etc. Jobs have always been hard for me. Wow. That sounded bad. Let me put it this way: I didn't finish college (at all), and never got that one big job. I have held an assortment of lame jobs that I felt no connection to.
Thank GOD for motherhood and the ability to NOT work. Phew. But, now I'm gone everyday, working at our preschool co-op, or going to story time, or whatever kid related thing I signed up for that day. And I freaking love it. I've had the chance to use some of my real actual gifts (aside from the one I used previously....alphabetizing files).
I get to sing, draw, create, etc, and it's been really great.I've also been able to spread my love of baby wearing, breastfeeding and all things earthy and fun.
This Saturday there is a Kids Expo and I'm excited that our Co-op gets a booth and we are using it for Natural parenting advocacy! We are bringing cloth diapers, baby carriers, and tons of resources and info for parents to peruse or possibly ridicule (hopefully not that last one!!!). I'm very excited!
I get a little too crazy though, as Matt would tell you. I take on too much. I cant follow through on everything I commit to. And I'm realizing how contrary that is to the "Simple" life I want.
I'm just glad I'm doing SOMETHING....FINALLY. I need to learn some balance.