Ah, dreams! Sweet, wonderful dreams of what life could be! What did you want to be when you grew up? A fireman? A dancer? A doctor?
Well, I wanted to be an actor. And singer. And artist. And forest ranger. Oh, and fashion designer. Lets just say I never had a real cohesive goal.
Then I had kids and I decided I wanted to be a mom. A really really good mom- a career mom for sure.
I'm certainly there, living that dream. But what about the other ones? DO I still want to be a ranger?
Nah, not really. And I can't act, so that ones gone. I could be a very mediocre singer, perhaps, or get more training. And fashion design....I sort of object to that whole industry now, so no.
That leaves artist. And the uphill battle there is wanting to be an artist in a world of millions and millions of other talented people who go to bed thinking the same thing. And being a defeatist of sorts, that has stopped me for years. I haven't even attempted to create much art much less put it out there for ridicule or sale.
But suddenly, I am. I'm painting....for people. Real people and it's the scariest thing ever! And the best.
It's so strange to for once be doing something I really want to do. And I'm amazed at how much it has taken my focus away from say, obsessing about how endlessly inadequate my house is. Or how completely helpless I am in the face of reality when it comes to keeping organized. Yes, I'm blissfully distracted by my new little venture and hope that it will continue!
I read something in a very cool book I got from the library. Someone said, "If you don't have space in your head, you will crave more physical space." Its a book called "Little House on a Small Planet". It's very, very cool, by the way.
I need to remind myself that I am not about my living space. It has not real effect on who I am, my relationship and my dreams. I can still do what I dream to do in the tiny corner of my little house. I can and I AM in a wonderful relationship with an extraordinary man, and I have three cool little kids.
I can create and live a full life even though I have no dishwasher, no bathtub (we have showers, don't worry), no storage, no space for my piano.
I'm living the life I've always wanted, and THAT is enough.
Apr 20, 2008
Apr 9, 2008
Life has been moving a little too fast lately. On the way home, I realized just how fast I have been going. I was in my own little world buzzing home from an intense day at work when I passed some people on the side of the road. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just after I passed them, something clicked. What had I just swerved to miss? Wait a minute...why were they all waving at me?
I turned the car around and stopped. It it me. There had been an accident. But I only saw one vehicle. Oh crap, I had swerved to miss a motorcycle wheel. I ran down the road to find four people frantic. "He hit us. We never even saw him."
"Where is he?" I asked. They pointed down the hill at least one hundred feet away. Deep under a sea of berry bushes I could see a dark lump. "Call 911." I ran down the hill. Thank God, the man was still alive.
I used to be an EMT, so the skills I had learned years ago took over and before I knew it, I was helping the fire department get the man ready for a helicopter ride to the trauma center. He was in bad shape. I watched the chopper take off with the man inside as I washed the blood off my hands and arms. Then, I walked back to the car to get home. I knew Carolyn would be worried. I was over an hour late and there were plenty of sirens. When I started home, it hit me.
I had been going too fast to notice some people that really needed my help. I hadn't even noticed the need right at my finger tips. How many of us do that daily? We pass the homeless man, avoid the guy/girl with problems at work. Yet a lot of us say that we want to make the world a better place. Maybe it's time to slow down a little. Take a little time this week to notice the needs around us and get involved.
Posted by Matt Maszczak at 10:51 PM
Apr 3, 2008
Yep! It's Spring for real now. I'm starting to force the kids outside and I'm having thoughts about hammocks and lawn chairs and cool creeks to dip toes in. I haven't worn sock in a few weeks, the girls are wearing their Easter sandals daily.
It's here. The reprieve from the cold. New life pushing back and winning again.
I went for a walk at a Nature area near my house and found it completely bursting with wildflowers and best of all MINT! Lots and lots of MINT!! So, what did I do? I stuffed my pockets with it!!!
What better to taste in smoothies, iced tea, etc, than a fresh sprig of mint! Happy Spring! Let it thaw you like it's thawing me! Let all kinds of fresh things start growing in your yard and your life.
Just think, we've got a few good months before its justifiable to complain about summer heat!
Posted by Carolyn at 8:56 AM