Nothing to wear.

Ok, we needed another post on here besides the rant I left last time. I was inspired to post whilst putting clothes away this last weekend. My drawers were overflowing because , well, I'm a slob and don't fold things.
So, I rolled up all my shirts and put them as neatly as possible in the drawer. Matt walked in and said something like, "holy crap, thats alot of shirts!!"

I was taken aback! Alot of shirts? But, but, I haven't even bought any tank tops yet this year! And, I really hoped to get money for my birthday so I could scavenge for some cool hippie blouses at the thrift store!

He's right. I have PLENTY of shirts. And skirts. And shorts. And everything else, really. How does this happen? How do I lose sight so easily of what we're trying to do?

I guess I STILL need to separate myself from the idea that I am what I wear. For the sake of my poor dresser drawers, this is a lesson I need to learn!!

Trying to find the lesson here...

In 2005 we bought this house. Our first house. Our first mortgage.

Who knew 3 years later we'd be a statistic you'd hear about on the news?

Yes we were one of those families that got a crappy interest only loan that is now about to go variable, only the house has dropped so much in value we can't afford the difference anymore.

Wonderful. We were cautious. We waited 7 years to buy. We searched for the right place to live, and then, our choices of homes were few and we bought small so we could afford it, figuring we could always move up.

But we stuck with this place, feeling it was right to make it work. We tried to simplify. I've wrestled with every conrer of this place trying to make everything fit and work and thrive. I've tried everyway of arranging furniture, every way of making it so the kids could have places of their own, searched for more and more to purge. Anything to suceed in something we feel is right for us- living small, and counter to the American dream of the giant house with giant amounts of stuff.

I struggled with wanting change. I wanted to buy an RV and live on the road. I wanted (badly) to buy the house next to us (a big, shiny nice house), but we didn't. We stuck with this place.

Then I got inspired to make THIS our dream place. "Bloom where planted"! Very responsible! We'll add on! We'll remodel little by little! Lets build a fire pit! I want a labryinth!

Then, this house takes a dump on us once again. We got a completely dismal appraisal- I mean hopelessly low.

Most people who fell for those awful loans bought up- they bought the 2500 sq ft montstrousities, they went for the dream of 3 car garages. We are dying of our 2 bedroom, 2 bath 850 square foot house on one acre in rural California.

We are feeling pretty let down. Pretty shafted by trying to be responsible. We can't win! We can't afford the lack of space! Maybe we need to downsize!

We hope to get it re-appraised or get a different loan, I don't know, something. I'm kinda wishing a tree would fall on it while we are out shopping or something. But, I tend to like the easy way out of things. I guess thats not going to happen.

I don't want to rent. I love our town, and theres nothing to rent here that wouldn't be more than what we're paying now. Maybe my attitude is bad, I'm sure it is.

Stick with us as we figure out how not to lose our "mansion" that is sucking us dry.

More breeding the need for more

Ever watch "What Not to Wear"? I have. I'm not a fan. But I do often think about what those people would say to me. And I shudder to think of them throwing away all my clothes in the name of ridding society of my awful taste. And cutting my hair. Why DO they cut everyones hair?

I know why. Because a new haircut facilitates gel, mouse, flattening irons, hair color. Re-evaluating your terrible taste means new shirts, new pants, better shoes and a good belt.

How updated are your cabinets? Is your yard lacking an outdoor kitchen? How can you live with your self?

I want.....I mean I endlessly want. We've discussed this here, you know my issues with materialism and you know Matts. (although he tend to be able to veil them through good writing making his struggle more poetic and less pathetic)

Well, I am beginning to want things that are dead-end objects.

I think I just coined something!! Dead-end objects! Is it possible? Ok, not entirely, but, let me explain.

If I were to say, go blond, (something I would never do)I'd need better conditioner and perhaps some products to prevent my hair from looking like straw.

If I wanted to get into photography- I'd need a camera. And maybe film, or SD cards. Then a lighting kit. Then a new lens.

Maybe I want an iPod. And good headphones. And a case. And lots and lots of songs over a period of months and years.

It never ends! You get something and you feel like it's never enough. In our culture everything needs an upgrade, an accessory.

Is there anything that simply furfills a need? Other than food?

Well- we recently made a small investment into something that is sort of in this direction.

Chickens.

Not free. They require actually alot of stuff initially (we're finding out), but in the long run they will provide one less thing we have to purchase at a store. And they're just cool.

Other things like this are cloth diapers, cloth napkins, buckets, shovels....anything utilitarian, reusable, and good quality.

I'm on the look out for things with less options and more uses.

And I'm not cutting my hair.