Hard work slays the depression beast

The last couple days in California. the weather has been gorgeous. It's been warm, sunny, with a light breeze. But we have winter weather on it's way, so everyone around our town has been burning and clearing and doing last minute stuff before it gets too cold again.

Well, I decided it was time for me to finally get some bulbs in the ground that I never planted in the fall. I felt so much guilt about buying them, then never planting them. So, with the "fall-like" weather we've had this week, I felt I'd been given another chance!

I got out a shovel and planted on Monday. Then I noticed how much the pine needles had balnketed the area around the house and since the baby wasn't fussing, I went for it and just raked for an hour or so.

Then yesterday, I saw that it was a burn day (we have days where it's legal to burn and days where you have to have a permit), so, I gathered up some piles, strapped the baby to my back and burned!

I have so much guilt over the house and the way I let it get disasterous, but with a fussy baby, being inside seems impossible. She loves being in the wrap outside, and so this was a good way to get things done.

I've been so depressed this last couple weeks (yes, the funk continues). I even messed up a little and bought a baby sling from my friend in the preschool coop. I justified it because she made it with vintage material, but I feel pretty guilty about it. And the pair or wool longies I bought from her, too. I was weak.

But yesterday, out in my yard, looking down the hill at my house, with my kids collecting sticks and singing songs, and my baby asleep up against my back, everything was somehow ok again. I'm not off-track, I'm not a slob, I'm just here....now. And I know that all the sweat and yard work helped me get there.