The mall is my moon
One of our favorite movies is Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Azkaban. I am anamoured with shape-shifting beings.
I love Professor Lupins character in this movie. He is the Defense against the dark arts professor- there to teach them how to fight off evil. And yet- he hides a secret. He is a werewolf. And like all werewolves- he transforms into this horrible beast when he sees the moon.
What does this have to do with the Compact?
Well- apparently when I see the mall- my pupils get larger, my claws come out and I start to growl.
Not just the mall- it seems when I travel out of my mountain town, I notice more of what I dont have. I start to notice that my teeth are yellow, that my pots and pans are cheap, that my clothes are irreparably stained and as always- my house is retardedly small.
So- should I just stop going out? Matts says no. He seems to think thats sort of freakish and agoraphobic. Maybe I need to work on my greed issues a little more?
I got completely depressed when we went into town today, and I'm sort of ashamed of myself.
Thats all. Thats my confession for today. I'm a evil want monster when faced with retail.
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4 comments:
You are so not alone. I deal with this too. I'm trying hard to learn how to be content. To look around me and know that this stuff will not matter in the end and that one more shirt won't make me any happier. My true happiness comes with being with my family and being in nature.
I so know what you mean. I'm struggling with a similar thing here in snowy Michigan - I get nutso stircrazy here with my very active 8 month old, but there is NO. WHERE. TO. GO. It's freezing and icy out, so outside things are out (plus we are just outside Detroit and there is basically no nature here for like, 30 miles). I felt like a trapped animal today trying to think of somewhere to go that didn't involve retail. I never did come up with anything...So stayed home and tried not to scream myself hoarse.
Boy can I relate to this. I remember a time (when I had a house full of kids),when I sat behind the Pastor's wife in church staring at her beautifully manicured and painted fingernails-fuming.It was some deadly mixture of envy/disdain/anger. How could she! I mostly felt like you do around people who had no money or space problems. The "cure" is thankfulness/contentment and refocusing your mind.It takes practice so don't despair.10,000 or so words go through our minds in a day. Listen to what you say to yourself. Till you still your mind of the endless dialogue of how poor and miserable you feel it will be hard to feel better.
Judy
I used to live in a very wealthy area, and I realized at one point that going into any retail store, but especially the mall, made me feel fat and ugly. I stopped going. I am so much happier. But I totally relate to feeling like it's not even safe to leave the house without being taken over by the urge to consume. I have been trying to channel some of my "want" energy into creating new things at home. I've been making little felt hearts and balls for Clara to play with, and it feels so much better than buying her little random junk. Good luck to you and keep resisting! I agree with a previous comment that practicing gratitude is the only way to free our minds.
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