Ready

There is nothing quite like the feeling of a summer evening. Your skin is still steaming from the long sunlit day and the smell of freshly cut grass is everywhere. If you're lucky, there is a nice breeze that's not too warm wisping away the remains of your cares. Nights like this almost require a spread blanket, a cool drink, and warm friendship. It is easy on summer nights, to gaze toward the countless stars and dream of other worlds and perfect unity. It is easy to get too far into deep conversations about things that no one talks about but everyone thinks about. It's easy to see life for all that really matters.
It's felt like winter for a long time. This season has been remarkably mild for us in Northern California. We haven't see much rain and the tempratures have remained fairly warm. But, it has still felt like winter for a long time.
Spring smells wonderful, summer is a lot of fun, I adore the cozy reflective coolness of fall, but winter is death to me.
I have been sick all winter, I have been depressed all winter, I have been empty all winter. Worst of all, I gave up my one vice for the season...shopping. During the winter months I used to spend amazing ammounts of time in stores or on-line shopping. Even when I wasn't shopping, I was thinking about what I needed for this or what i needed for that. I used to saiate my ailing psyche with clutter. I would fill every space to push out the emptiness. So here I am.
Spring seems to be here (although we may get snow this week:() but it hasn't quite caught up with me yet. My soul is still thawing. It is ridiculous how much consumerism is embedded in me. It is under every rock, in every crevice, spliting me open like freezing water in the cracks of a rock. I know...I sound like a broken record, but I am learning that I have been bred to consume.
It is no wonder that America has become such a place of disparate economics. We are encouraged and almost required to consume, that it seems, is the American way. The pictue I posted was from a fireworks show near our home last summer. The fourth of July. The day that the United States stood up against the wrong in the world and declared that they were taking a different path. A path down a road that would prove difficult but rewarding. Again today, I feel like it should be the fourth of July.